I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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