But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
