I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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