Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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