Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
