I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
