yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
