just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
