Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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