Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
