remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
