I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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