What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
