Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
