I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
