I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
