It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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