But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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