GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
