peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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