I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
