Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
