If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
