Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
