I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My balls are so social today.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
