the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
