Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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