What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
