make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He shit in the fireplace
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