I'm eating all of the evidence.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
