He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Randomize
