What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
