I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
