Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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