I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
