i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
