please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
