I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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