I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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