sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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