i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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