the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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