Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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