I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
