UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
