you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
