just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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