Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
