Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
