haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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