i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
