that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
