my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
