my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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